1. A best friend's first task when you die is to clear your browsing history
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was little
4. There is a massive need for a sarcasm font
5. How the hell do you fold a fitted bedsheet?
6. Was learning cursive writing really necessary?
7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions at #5, I can get out of my own development.
8. Obituaries would be more interesting if you knew how they died
9. I don't remember the last time I wasn't tired
10. Bad decisions make really good stories
11. You never know when it will happen, but there comes a time each and every day when you realize that you aren't going to be productive for the rest of the day
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blueray? I've replaced my video collection for the last time!
13. I'm always terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save changes to my 10 page research paper that I KNOW I didn't make any changes to
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this-ever!
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?) but when I call right back, it rings 9 times and goes to voice mail. What did you do when I didn't answer, throw the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving the house in the morning, feeling confident and looking good, then not meeting anyone important all day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call
18. I was in the car with my kid the other day, and he asked me "what would happen if you ran over a ninja? How do you answer that?
19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well
20. I disagree with Kay jewelers, I would bet that on friday and saturday nights, more kisses begin with miller light, jack daniels or tequila than with "K"
