Help! Urgent! Emergency!

Great, now that I've got you here and captured your attention for the next .42 milliseconds it's going to take you to hit the back button, let's take a look at something that we've all found if we've been around Unity for more than an hour.  It's this line:

Help!  Urgent!  Emergency!

Can you guess where I found that?  If you answered in the forums then you are the proud winner of the right answer.  Please check your e-mail for the proper awards notifications papers, print, sign and fax them back.  We will get your prize out to you as soon as it is humanely possible.

Now, how many times have you seen that headline on a post?  I' sure it's in the thousands.  So I decided out of the boredom of thinking of nothing more productive to do with 3 minutes of my time, to do a little research and see just how great these threads go. 

. 

Of course, this just led me to look around even more, and well, it's been a fun couple of hours reading  the forums now and led me to this gem of an opening post:

Howdy folks,

My new company is looking for some help to customize the product for our specific applicaiton.

Any ideas / suggestions / offers?

Cheers,

JD

Let me help him out with response real quick:

JD,

I would be honored to work for your company, with upper management adhering so strictly to rules and guidelines concerning advertisement of positions, I'm sure site is running as smoothly as an e-machines server.  You've been incredibly descriptive in your request for assistance, so let me give you an equally descriptive list of my qualifications. 

I own a computer

I have internet access

By the way, have you seen my mouse?  I think the cat ate it.  Please feel free to contact me at my e-mail address or you can call me to set up an interview.

Thank your for your consideration.

Okay, now that JD is out of the way, perhaps we can get on to some more useful posts.  Yeah, right!  This individual must want us to install his site for him.  Notice the URL he put at the bottom to prove he's not lieing about that error in this thread titled:

Help: Please:

Hey : Everyone

i am try to start a new Social Network somethink like myspace or tagged i download the Dolphin board

but i am getting this warning all the time

allow_url_include is On (warning, you should have this param in Off state, or your site will unsafe)
Please go to the
Dolphin Troubleshooter
and solve the problem.

here more proof : http://www.yoursite.net/mycommunity/install/index.php

Just give me a second to respond here.

Dear Sir,

We are thrilled that you've chosen to utilize Dolphin in a manner that no one else has ever though of.  The idea of using this software to create a Social Network something like Myspace or Tagged is brilliant.  Absolutely 100% Brilliant.  How did you ever come up with such a uniquely ingenious use of Dolphin.  Please give me a call immediately, I'd like to set up a meeting between Boonex and yourself, I'm sure they will want to hire you immediately as their Chief Executive Officer.

Respectfully,

Little Brained People Already Using Dolphin

I know, that was a bit harsh.  Of course, the best one I have saved for last.  Made by an individual who feels that his e-mail address alone should make everyone jump up immediately.  This was found way down in a thread concerning Ray. 

I'm sure i'm having the same problem.  what is the fix?  this is day two on this, can't afford to waste more time.  please.  e-mail to webmaster@miglobo.com

**Well Webmaster Miglobo, please allow me to prepare a full report concerning this issue, I will do a comprehensive study on the issue, it's effect on the website, end user compatibility, lost revenue generation, lost labor hours, potential solutions and a demographic work-up chart.  Please feel free to stop by my office to schedule an appointment with my personal assistant or give him a call at.

Very respetfully,

Those of us who fix things.

I know, I am being rude and not kind.  Oh well, it was fun to do this and at least it made me laugh a little.  Hope it's helped everyone else see the humor innocent posts in the forums can make.